Thursday, March 15, 2007

Fun Things To Do In An ElevatorFun Things To Do In An Elevator

  1. Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.

  2. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

  3. Shave.

  4. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

  5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

  6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

  7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

  8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

  9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

  10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

  11. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

  12. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"

  13. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

  14. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

  15. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

  16. Leave a box between the doors.

  17. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

  18. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

  19. Start a sing-along.

  20. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

  21. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

  22. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

  23. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

  24. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

  25. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

  26. Hit the stop elevator button when the elevator is full and climb throught the roof while counting down from 60 seconds loudly or humming the mission impossible theme.

  27. Step on with a whoopie cushion hidden in your jacket. Complain about stomache cramps. Squeeze as needed with a sigh of relief.

  28. Pour lemonade all over the floor while no one is in there. Wait for people to get on, and then cover your face saying, "Sorry bout that... Weak bladder."

  29. Wear pants with a loose waist. Pull at the waistband, look down inside and start talking to your crotch. You may also want to wave or sing nursery rhymes to it.

  30. Dress as a priest. Pay a neighborhood kid to play along with this one. Squeeze his butt, tousle his hair and smile at him lecherously the whole time. You could also do this wearing a Santa Claus outfit.

  31. Press the buttons with your tongue.

  32. Grab your head and scream "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

  33. As someone walks on, yell loudly "Daddy!"

  34. Stand there grinning and humming "Its A Small World After All" over and over again.

  35. Argue with yourself and bring a passenger in on it.

  36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

  37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and do it again.

  38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

  39. Call the Psychic Hotline from your mobile and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

  40. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

  41. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

  42. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

  43. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

  44. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

  45. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

  46. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

  47. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

  48. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

  49. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

  50. Tell people that you can see their aura.

  51. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.

  52. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

  53. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

  54. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

  55. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

  56. Sing the anti-sexual-harrassment song "My Body's Nobody's Body But Mine." Get others to sing along with you.

  57. Call someone on your cell phone and say in a low omninous tone "Hello Clarise."

  58. Sniff, wrinkle your nose, and ask in a loud voice "Who farted?"

  59. Sit in the corner rocking back and forth muttering "been bad, been bad..."

  60. Make crashing noises each time the elevator begins to move.

  61. Crouch in the corner and act like Golem from Lord of the Rings and say "The Precious, the Precious" while holding a fake finger with a ring on it.

  62. Take a pet into the elevator, and then when everyone comes in tell them its pet day and they are not allowed in without their pet.

  63. Get on the elevator clad in dominatrix gear, asking if anyone wants a spanking. (Especially effective if you're a man.)

  64. While alone with one or two other passengers, say in a deep, offical "god-like" voice: "You're not suppost to know this, but I AM GOD!!"

  65. Wear a white t-shirt and put some red Koolaide on it to make a stain. Then sit on the elevator floor and repeatedly say "Next time I won't squeeze so hard!"

  66. Strip slowly while pressing all of the buttons.

  67. Noticeably tie a passanger shoe laces together.

  68. Complain about a passangers "messy" appearance and clean their face with a tissue. Lick the tissue if possible.

  69. When at least 10 people have boarded, stand in the middle and randomly hit your head and shout, "Dammit! Shut up!"

  70. Your girlfriend kneels facing you in a corner. You keep saying "not now there are too many people."

  71. If you or your girlfriend is pregnant, stop the elevator and ask if anyone knows how to deliver a baby.

  72. Lick your fingers repetadly, and when someone gets on stare at them (still licking your fingers) and say "You don't want to end up like the last passenger, do you?"

  73. Pretend you are going through labor. And scream as loudly as possible "Take it ouuuut! Take it ouuuut! Give me the drugs."

  74. Put your hands in your pants and yell loudly "Somebody fuck me!"

  75. Eat a sandwich with gooey ingredients. While chewing, say "Wanna see what's in my mouf?"

  76. When a person gets on too slowly or, worse, holds to door to finish talking with somebody, walk to about three inches away from their face start making buzzing noises.

  77. You and a friend enter the elevator making sure to stand in front of everybody. Your friend pretends to be your lawyer. He/she asks you "So, why did you kill that man?" You reply "Because he wouldn't stop staring at the back of my head!" (very effective in a court house elevator)

  78. Sit in the corner of the elevator in the fetal position while saying in a low voice "Make the voices stop, mommy, make them stop please..."

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